


Baz is a cat

by Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire



Series: Cat Season [1]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Baz hates Agatha’s lacrosse sweatshirt, Baz is magicked into a cat, Carry On Quarantine, Domestic Bliss, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow, Dorks in Love, Family Fluff, Fiona is ridiculous, Fiona thinks she’s being funny, Fiona will probably be disappointed, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gay Simon Snow, Gay Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Gentle Simon Snow, Happy, Idiots in Love, Jealous Simon Snow, Jealous Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Light mention of WS not sure if it spoils anything, M/M, Married Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow, Mentioned Agatha Wellbelove, Mentioned Shepard, POV First Person, POV Penelope Bunce, POV Simon Snow, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Post-Book 2: Wayward Son, Post-Canon, Simon Snow Loves Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Simon Snow is Gay for Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Simon hates Lamb still, Simon puts salt and vinegar crips under the couch, Simon wants to take care of Baz, SnowBaz, Texting, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Is Gay for Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Loves Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow in Love, roast beef, salt and vinegar crisps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23314567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire/pseuds/Sharing_a_room_with_an_open_fire
Summary: Me (17:23):Penny, I need your help. It’s an emergency.Penny (17:27):Merry Morgana, what happened? Are you and Basil alright?Me (17:28):Baz is plotting.Penny (17:34):Simon… I assumed we were done with this a long time ago.Baz is temporarily magicked into a cat by Fiona. Simon doesn't know this and assumes that Baz is plotting.
Relationships: Penelope Bunce & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Cat Season [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027896
Comments: 24
Kudos: 131





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A texting ficlet for # A Milder March on tumblr. 3/25- Animal Friends.
> 
> I adopted a black kitten from an animal orphanage because black cats are awesome and they are still least likely to be picked for adoption. 
> 
> My little darling brings me only the best kind of luck and has been helping me to survive quarantine. 
> 
> I hope all of you have someone with you through this hard times — a furry (or otherwise) friend or another human. If not — ao3 and tumblr are full with potential human friends. 💙💙💙
> 
> * * *
> 
> This fic is silly. I tried to make it look like a text message. But it’s my first time formatting something so in case it won’t work or show on your device, I put the text again in the End notes.

# SIMON

Baz is giving me the evil eye. I know he’s up to _something_. 

I’d better ask Penny for help. 

Penny  
  
**Today** 17:23  
Penny, I need your help. It’s an emergency.   
  
Merry Morgana, what happened? Are you and Basil alright?   
  
Baz is plotting.   
  
  
Simon… I assumed we were done with this a long time ago.   
  
I promise you it’s true this time.   
  
  
Baz magicked himself into a black cat for 12 hours. (Cat Face With Wry Smile ) (Paw Prints )   
  
  
I don’t see where you’re going with this...   
  
I’m afraid what will happen when he crosses the room in front of me. He’s been trying to do that all day.   
  
  
Simon Snow Salisbury-Pitch!!! It’s 2020 and you’re a mage. You must know a black cat is just a cat.   
  
I know that but Pen...   
  
  
It’s Baz we’re talking about here.   
  
  
I think he might have found out I spilled magic induced carrot juice on his favourite lavender shirt when I was wearing it earlier. The stains won’t come off.   
  
  
I see… However, it’s still not an emergency. It must be only a few hours left, simply wait it out in a different room.   
  
There’s nowhere to go, we’re stuck at Fiona’s.   
  
  
How about you promise Basil to never spill anything on his favourite clothing again?   
  
I guess I should try and see if I’d fit into the cupboard that belongs to Fiona’s flat down in the cellar.   
  
  
Simon? Are you sure that is the only solution?   
  
Pretty sure.   
  
  
Thanks for your help, Pen.   


# BAZ

Bloody Fiona thought it was funny to magick me into a cat for 12 hours and then told Simon I did that to myself. 

Now the moron is afraid of me. 

At least he finally started wearing my clothes instead of his ex-girlfriend’s lacrosse sweatshirt. It took me _five_ years and a magickal proposal to get there. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Me (17:23):** Penny, I need your help. It’s an emergency.  
>  **Penny (17:27):** Merry Morgana, what happened? Are you and Basil alright?  
>  **Me (17:28):** Baz is plotting.  
>  **Penny (17:34):** Simon… I assumed we were done with this a long time ago.  
>  **Me (17:35):** I promise you it’s true this time.  
>  **Me (17:35):** Baz magicked himself into a black cat for 12 hours.  
>  **Penny (17:37):** I don’t see where you’re going with this...  
>  **Me (17:38):** I’m afraid what will happen when he crosses the room in front of me. He’s been trying to do that all day.  
>  **Penny (17:40):** Simon Snow Salisbury-Pitch!!! It’s 2020 and you’re a mage. You must know a black cat is just a cat.  
>  **Me (17:41):** I know that but Pen...  
>  **Me (17:42):** It’s Baz we’re talking about here.  
>  **Me (17:43):** I think he might have found out I spilled magic induced carrot juice on his favourite lavender shirt when I was wearing it earlier. The stains won’t come off.  
>  **Penny (17:45):** I see… However, it’s still not an emergency. It must be only a few hours left, simply wait it out in a different room.  
>  **Me (17:46):** There’s nowhere to go, we’re stuck at Fiona’s.  
>  **Me (17:51):** How about you promise Basil to never spill anything on his favourite clothing again?  
>  **Me (17:59):** I guess I should try and see if I’d fit into the cupboard that belongs to Fiona’s flat down in the cellar.  
>  **Penny (17:59):** Simon? Are you sure that is the only solution?  
>  **Me (17:59):** Pretty sure.  
>  **Me (17:59):** Thanks for your help, Pen.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After spending some time talking about my two cats and sending pictures of them (yes, I’m _that _person) to a newly acquired friend on ao3, I got inspired to write a second chapter.__
> 
> * * *
> 
> Once again I’m formatting text messages because it’s fun. If for some reason they aren’t visible, I’m adding those in the end notes. 
> 
> * * *
> 
> Thanks to wonderful [mybluebucketofsnow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mybluebucketofsnow/pseuds/mybluebucketofsnow) for beta reading this chapter. 

#  PENELOPE

Simon isn’t answering any of my messages and I decide to contact Fiona instead.

Fiona  
  
**Today** 18:12  
Fiona, is everything alright over at yours?   
Everything is good here. How are you and your gullible bloke?   
Shepard and I are fine, thank you for asking. I hear the boys are with you.   
Yes, they have commandeered the living room.   
Fiona, what is going on exactly? Simon thinks Basil is trying to curse him.   
I like where the Chosen One’s mind went. He’s a reasonable bloke that one. Basil choose well. Simon will live longer if he suspects a curse on each turn, you know.   
Sure… That is clearly one way to see things... Simon is planning on hiding out in the cellar while waiting for the spell to wear off.   
Basil isn’t planning on cursing anyone. I was the one to magick him into a cat when he tried to go after the last bag of salt and vinegar crisps I’m saving for this afternoon, for myself.   
Nicks and Slick, Fiona! You have to tell Simon that before he gets stuck in the cupboard.   
The cupboard? Getting stuck is the least of his problems. I store quite a few magickal dark elements there Simon should avoid touching if he wants to live.   
A bloody numpty is what he is. I tell Simon now.   
Great.   
**Read** 18:48

  


I take Shepard's naive and trustful nature over the bucket filled with suspicion and paranoia Simon and Fiona hold on to for dear life.

Fiona is just as mad as Simon. That family will be the death of my sanity one of these days. I have no idea how Basil manages with those two.

#  SIMON

After Fiona told me about the spell and that Baz isn’t trying to curse me I’ve been trying to get his attention somehow. He's been ignoring me a lot.

I caught him clawing on Agatha’s old lacrosse sweatshirt for some reason. He sure has strong claws for such a tiny cat. 

I didn’t even know the sweatshirt was at Fiona’s. (Probably left it here when visiting Baz before we moved in together.) 

He just looked at me, turned away and started to clean his paw, while I’d say looking both pissed  _ and _ bored all at the same time. 

How is that even possible? He’s a cat now.

Another time I saw him admiring himself in the mirror. I’ve seen him spending hours in front of a mirror before, so I guess I wasn’t that surprised that he’d do it as a cat too.

I tried to pick Baz up but he isn’t having any of it. I suspect he might be cross with me for running away from him all day.

He gives me a combination of the most condescending and bored look I’ve ever seen and that’s while he’s a cat. 

Baz keeps turning his nose down on me. That’s just brilliant. I don’t think anyone except for him could accomplish that while being a cat.

I wonder if he still understands when I talk. He must if he is  _this_ irritated with me.

”I’m sorry, Baz. I didn’t mean to get scared of you,” I plead.

He isn’t looking my way. Instead, he starts to clean his paw again, but I see his ears moving though. I’m pretty sure that he’s still listening.

”Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” I feel a bit like a halfwit for talking to a cat. But I think people talk to cats all the time, so I guess it’s alright. 

Baz turns around then and walks in my direction — very slowly — as if it pains him to get closer to me as if he’s doing me the greatest favour. 

And he is doing me a favour, of course after the way I behaved. 

We’re married for Crowley’s sake — I should trust him not to try and curse me. 

_Huh…_

I might have started swearing like him too…

When Baz is close enough I let him climb onto my leg. It doesn’t hurt. (I’m sure he could have made it painful with his sharp claws if he really wanted to.) 

”I missed you today,” I tell him and pat him behind his ear. He purrs so loud for his tiny size. I had no idea small cats can get this loud. 

I know Fiona gave him something with fish today but I’m not sure that’s the most appropriate food for him. Baz has a refined palate. 

”Are you hungry? Is there anything I can get for you?”

Baz looks at me and then jumps down and starts walking in the direction of the kitchen. I follow him. 

Then he ascends the furniture with a grace only he is capable of and settles down in front of a shelf. I open it and see several packages of different foods. 

”I don’t know what you want, Baz. I will pick you up, alright?”

As I do Baz’s tiny paw touches a bag of salt and vinegar crisps.

”Is that what you really want?”

His paw starts to pat the bag. I guess so…

I take it and bring it and Baz back.

I’m not sure it’s appropriate to give a cat crisps. Maybe he wants them for when the spell wears off. I store the bag under the couch that we’re currently sleeping on, while stuck at Fiona’s. 

Baz always hid crisps under his bed back at Watford so perhaps he’ll appreciate a trip down memory lane.

Baz is still in my arms, he’s been holding on and doesn’t let go of me even for a moment. I like that.

I should check if Fiona has any cat appropriate food for him though.

”Do you want to come with or to stay here while I look for something to eat for you now?” I ask him before leaving. I don’t want him to think I’m running away again.

Baz holds onto my sweater with his claws. I think he wants to come with.

I carry him to the kitchen and hold him against my chest while rummaging the shelves.

Fiona actually had several jars of cat food despite not having one. Does it mean that she magicks people into cats often?

The first one I see is lamb. Like hell I’m letting  _Lamb_ come anywhere near Baz. 

I mean... lamb seems too heavy of food for his tummy not because that name makes me feel jealous even after all these years. 

There’s some cat food with beef in it. That’s more like it.

”Do you want some beef, Baz? It’s not roast beef but is probably still good. What do you say? Shall I give you some?”

Baz looks at me if I’ve grown a second head. How is he managing all that while still a cat?

”I know you can’t answer, I meant you can nod if you want some.”

He nods, still looking a little condescending.

When I pet him behind his ear again, he licks my hand, nuzzles up against me, closes his eyes and starts to purr very loud. I kiss the top of his head lightly.

Baz is the most adorable cat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Penny:** Fiona, is everything alright over at yours?  
>  **Fiona:** Everything is good here. How are you and your gullible bloke?  
>  **Penny:** Shepard and I are fine, thank you for asking. I hear the boys are with you.  
>  **Fiona:** Yes, they have commandeered the living room.  
>  **Penny:** Fiona, what is going on exactly? Simon thinks Basil is trying to curse him.  
>  **Fiona:** I like where the Chosen One’s mind went. He’s a reasonable bloke that one. Basil choose well. Simon will live longer if he suspects a curse on each turn, you know.  
>  **Penny:** Sure… That is clearly one way to see things... Simon is planning on hiding out in the cellar while waiting for the spell to wear off.  
>  **Fiona:** Basil isn’t planning on cursing anyone. I was the one to magick him into a cat when he tried to go after the last bag of salt and vinegar crisps I’m saving for this afternoon, for myself.  
>  **Penny:** Nick and Slicks, Fiona! You have to tell Simon that before he gets stuck in the cupboard.  
>  **Fiona:** The cupboard? Getting stuck is the least of his problems. I store quite a few magickal dark elements there Simon should avoid touching if he wants to live.  
>  **Fiona:** A bloody numpty is what he is. I tell Simon now.  
>  **Penny:** Great.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. 😎

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Baz: Cat Edition](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24935602) by [manicmagicat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/manicmagicat/pseuds/manicmagicat)




End file.
